Dealing with Death

Hello my lovely readers,

How are you doing?

As you may have noticed I didn’t upload a blogpost last weekend and first of all I want to apologise for that especially if any of you were waiting for it or looking forward to it. I had been trying pretty hard to upload blog posts on Saturday nights but to be honest with you an awful lot has happened since I last posted and I didn’t really have any motivation to write anything let alone a blog post. Having said this I did write a poem late last Saturday night….more on that later though!!

As you can tell from the title this post is about death and I suppose my recent experience of it so I’m sorry if this is something that you don’t want to particularly read but for those of you who are reading this feel that this would be beneficial, that is exactly why I am writing this. I won’t go into much detail at all or make it too sad, just a sort of general overview of what happened. Death can be a horrible thing but I think sometimes we can feel a little comforted by reading the stories of others to feel less isolated and alone.

My great aunt passed away this day last week; hence the lack of blog post. It’s been a very tough week as you can imagine, particularly as I was quite close to her. I think when someone passes away we spend a lot of time looking backward and looking forwards rather than thinking in the now. When I heard the news all I could think about is what’s going to happen, how things won’t be the same and what will life be like without her and how will I get through it. Then on the other hand I was thinking of how much I wished I knew that the last time I saw her was the last and why it had to happen to her and how I wished it never happened.

The only good thing is that I have lots and lots of happy memories with her, like the many times we went out for dinner in super fancy restaurants and chatted for ages about our lives. You know those people who really take an interest in your life and remember every little detail about you, yeah, that was her. It seems so bizarre saying “was” instead of is” and that just makes me really sad again.

Anyway back to the happy memories, I didn’t intend for this post to be really sad but at the same time I wanted to be honest with you guys. Days out with her were  always such fun. She was also really fashionable, every time I’d see her she’d be wearing different outfits that were all very stylish. No matter what was going on her life she always made time for me and our family and put on a brave face and that’s what I particularly admired about her.  Also, she was a huge bookworm just like me and I always found that pretty cool!

It’s exactly a week and a day since she passed away and I can’t say it’s gotten incredibly easier or I feel a whole lot better. I know I’ll always miss her and particularly at occasions like Christmas and birthdays and during the summer holidays I’ll miss her more than ever but I suppose that’s only to be expected.

Anyway, I didn’t expect this post to be this long. Hope you don’t mind and particularly for the fact that it isn’t as upbeat as usual but I think that is a part of life; we have both good times and bad. For those of you who have also lost a loved one, a family or friend, I am very sorry and if you’re not feeling too good at the moment I hope things improve and I’m sure they will over time and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.  So far I’m finding that talking to close friends, being around family sometimes and generally just taking it easy and not doing too much.

Here is a poem I wrote the night I received the bad news: I haven’t given it a title yet, I’m thinking of maybe using her name as the title… I’m not entirely sure yet.

You’re so high up,

it’s almost

impossible

to see you anymore.

 

I expect you to

be here.

But when I turn

around

it’s not you I see.

 

It’s the shrivelled

face of a kindred soul

I once knew

long, long ago.

 

You are not here,

but yet you are

everyone.

 

It is you I see.

It is you I hear.

It is you that

will always be

here.

 

Thanks so much for reading this, means the world. Feel free to leave a comment as always, us bloggers and readers are here to support each other after all!

Best Wishes,

girlmasked

PS the featured image is meant to be of a rainbow..not quite sure if it’s clear enough! 🙂

 

 

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