10 things that make me anxious

Hi!

So a few posts ago I blogged about my anxiety and I wanted to blog about it again. Do any of you feel that writing can help deal with what you are going through? I think there’s something really helpful about writing how you’re feeling. In this post I’d like to talk about the main things that make me feel really anxious.

  1. Parties: My social anxiety kicks in when I’m at parties. Some days I can control it, some days I can’t. Crowds of people, loud noises, talking to people and music and alcohol make me anxious. There’s just so much going on in one place. I’ve had panic attacks at parties but I’m still trying. I hate letting friends down but sometimes I have to give nights out a miss if it’s better for my mental health in the long run. Having said that I went to a party last month that went really well for me anxiety wise. I even danced a bit. We all have our good and bad days and some days my social anxiety is just way worse than others.
  2. Meeting new people: First impressions count, right? Well that’s what people say, isn’t it? I’m always terrified of making the wrong first impression. All these questions come into my head. Will they like me? Will I make a fool of myself? It’s as if I don’t want to jeopardise any sort of relationship I could have with them. When I’m not meeting anyone and I am thinking rationally about the idea of meeting new people I know that there’s nothing to be afraid of but when the anxious part of my brain sets in all sort of negative thoughts swarm around me.
  3. Meeting people I know: Meeting people I know can also be a problem for me for similar reasons. I get anxious that I’ll mess up; say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing or laugh too much. There’s one or two people I’m really comfortable with that I’m less anxious around but otherwise my mind races easily.
  4. Exams: Exams were the point when I became aware of my anxiety and how bad it was getting. With the help of school counselling I became gradually became more equipped to deal with my anxiety surrounding exams but I still can struggle. I hate being in a room with so many people taking an exam, I feel trapped and intimidated, but exams have to be done and I have and will get through them. I think part of my problem was and probably partially still is, is viewing my grades as a percentage of my worth and defining my worth.
  5. Death: Death has terrified me ever since I was a child. I’ve had countless nightmares and strange dreams about it including my own death and the death of random people and loved ones. It’s one of the subjects of many negative thoughts that can drift through my mind during the day and particularly when I’m trying to sleep. I think I’m just afraid of how and when I and others I know and appreciate will die.
  6. Conflict: I’ve always hated conflict and in latter years I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve always been so scared of it because I was afraid of getting hurt, afraid of anyone else getting hurt and utterly terrified of losing someone I love. Any argument with parents or friends or even conflict on a tv show would get me on edge. After a horrible argument with a friend years ago I got extremely anxious and had many panic attacks over I realised how much conflict frightened me. I also hate when people get angry at me or raise their voice or shout, it makes me so anxious.
  7. Change: Change has made me anxious as it takes me a while to get used to the transition from situation to the other. I get used to things staying the same and the mere thought of what change will bring instantly make me anxious.
  8. Hospitals (or anything medical): immediately makes my anxiety levels rise. When I tore ligaments in my ankle and had to sit in A and E for six hours I was extremely anxious. I was terrified of what would happen to me. I really didn’t want to have an operation, I always have this fear that I wouldn’t wake up after it and that I would die some horrible death without getting a chance to say goodbye to my family or friends. I also can’t stand going to the dentist or doctors as I get myself into such an anxious not that I either throw up or become close to fainting.
  9. Flying: I’ve only been on a plane once and I had many panic attacks coming up to it and on the plane. I get so anxious when the plane takes off and lands as well as throughout the journey itself. I suppose my main fear is about the plane crashing.
  10. Being anxious: I get so anxious about being anxious. I hate being anxious and I try so hard not to be especially in public and with people I know. The thought of getting anxious makes me so anxious and I can have panic attacks because of it and it makes me feel so bad about myself. I’ve become slightly better at this by trying to accept  myself and believe that I can get better. Self Belief is key,

 

Thanks so much for reading my post, I appreciate it. I do realise it was quite a long one but it was very honest and emotional so I wanted to release my feelings here on my blog. I am okay, I’m just on a long journey to getting better. I’m starting counselling soon as now that I’ve left school I can’t avail of the counselling there. I just want you to know that if you are feeling in a similar situation or suffering from any sort of mental illness you are never ever alone, I mean that.

Best wishes,

girlmasked

PS: I chose this featured picture because it’s of the sun setting on a dark night showing that despite our dark times there is always hope and we should never give up.

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12 thoughts on “10 things that make me anxious

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    1. Thank you! Glad you could understand what I was trying to convey. Hope you’re keeping well. No problem! Thanks for reading! ☺

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  1. Hi GirlMasked,

    I have anxiety too, for 10 years already, but for a long time I wasn’t aware of it, I simply thought it was part of growing up, hormones, etc. It has ups and downs and right now it’s more a down, because of exams. However, I also feel like you do around new people, at parties or I’m anxious that I will have a panic attack at the wrong moment. It’s a terrible feeling, but you’re not alone and thank you for sharing!

    MissCherry xo
    http://www.lexiestown.blogspot.be

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I do feel it takes a while to realise exactly what it is it first and it can be scary when you’re figuring it all out. True. Yes, I definitely understand what you mean there! Sometimes it’s okay, others it’s not but there’s always that things may go wrong. Sometimes I feel that it can get better with practice, by going and exposing yourself to situations that make you anxious if you’re feeling ready of course. Thats what I’ve been trying anyway when I’m feeling up to it. I hope things improve for you and that you are keeping well. Thank you for your kind words.

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    1. Glad you could understand. Thank you, I appreciate that.

      Big hugs back!!

      My name is also Kate!!

      girlmasked! 😊

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  2. I love how your so open about your anxiety. i wish i was that open about many things including my anxiety. honestly your this post has made me feel so much more confident and that i can try to be open about it too. Love it hun xx Thank you for this i know it would not have been easy to write this. keep up the amazing work xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much!! I’m delighted that you like it! 😊 Ah you can be too, takes a bit of getting used to but it’s worth sharing some things anyway to get them off your chest, I think anyway! I’m so happy that this post helped you! No problem at all, yeah it certainly took a while to write but I was glad I did in the end. Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Like you, Kate, I feel that writing and blogging are very helpful, as we lay our feelings in a concrete way – onto a real or virtual page.

    I still avoid parties for mostly the same reasons as you. Not having a car, I find that added aspect of not being able to just leave if needed, so it’s rare that I accept any such offer. However, back in april (wow 3 months to the day!) I went to a party that went really well for me and I find that what helped the most was telling my host that I would need a space to retire to in case of anxiety, and asked where the wc were. In the end, I didn’t even need to retire at all, though I had frequent trips to the latter. Never hesitate to explain your anxiety and what you need to feel safer, including asking your hosts to show you a room you might go and breathe in to calm down.

    Meeting people isn’t easy, but remember that before you became comfortable with one or two friends, they used to be strangers. Be yourself, after you explain your difficulties, and most people will understand – and those who don’t can go right away, out of your life. That said, I know it’s not easy, at all!

    I hope you can redefine your self-worth as your own, and not a grade that reflects the temporary ability to cram in your year’s studies into one burst of knowledge and memory – especially since this isn’t a very natural way of doing things.

    I know death can, and usually does, scare us all. It’s no wonder that philosophers, scholars and others have tried to answer all about it… but, no matter what, we know it’s going to happen so we might as well live our lives to the fullest, as anxiety about it won’t change too much.

    Conflict scares me too, though sometimes we have no choice but to stand up for our own rights and space, and make others respect us – or throw out of our lives if words/acts have gone too far. I know that in my case, issues with conflict stem from witnessing domestic violence and having experienced many traumatic events. I hope that you find the source of your own anxiety and to find coping tools.

    Change is difficult, but necessary aspect to life. Everything changed to become our current situation, and everything will continue to change. We may resist out of fear of the unknown or having to learn to adjust to each new position we are in. if the universe/s is/are and always changed, so can we learn to cope (tho not always easy, that is granted).

    I totally relate to medical anxiety – I have had my share as they say, of visits, pocking about and searching what was wrong with me. I cannot stand dentists, after several really bad ones that reduced my trust. Like you, am so afraid of fainting or becoming sick there.
    Lastly, flying – being in a closed space, somewhere I have no control over, screaming children and so forth, nothing attracts me in flights…

    Anxiety about anxious! Totally relate! I self-trigger just thinking of future anxiety situations!
    But, as I worked exposures in a CBT and have learned coping mechanisms, I think we can learn to step away and to reduce all those sources, so anxiety can serve its primal purpose of warning of possible danger but not becoming that overwhelming stream in our lives. Have you ever tried cbt or another form? or exposures on your own – additionally to the parties that you did try?

    I wish you to find these skills and if you need tips from my experience, hit me with a DM.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, writing can be very helpful to express ourselves.

      So glad to hear that the party that you went to went well for you and that the host was understanding. That is a good idea,thank you. A few of my friends are aware of my anxiety and have been very kind in not minding when I need some time out to calm myself at gatherings.

      That is so true, thank you! I should really remember that. You have a great way of thinking of things and putting them into perspective.

      Thank you. I also hope to go to a college that uses continuous assessment as well as big exams as I hope this will have a positive impact on my mental health and put even a little less pressure on myself.

      That is also true and another thing I do need a reminder of. Thanks. I really do need to live in the moment,hard to do though of course, but I’m working on it!

      Thank you, so do I. I have a few but I need to work on them more often.

      Thank you.

      Yes, I’ve always been terrified of dentists even as a child!

      Yes enclosed spaces do make me anxious! Yes, I agree with you there! Just back from holidays and the flights certainly werent enjoyable but the holiday itself was good.

      Yes, glad you can understand what I’m talking about! Glad the CBT has helped you. Haven’t tried CBT but use techniques from it with a school counsellor, it was more so just counselling and talking, there’s probably a proper name for it. What do you mean by exposures on your own? Is that like going to places that make you anxious? If so,yes I did and although horrible at first anxiety wise it can help in the long run for me. I used to get so anxious going to the cinema and would leave many times now the problem hasn’t completely gone away but it has very much improved! It was relating to anxiety about going to a place I had a panic attack before and being in an enclosed space. I am going to a new counsellor soon as I can’t keep seeing the former one as I have left school and she specialises in CBT and psychotherapy so we’ll probably see which works best when I get an appointment.

      Thank you very much, I do appreciate your kind words and encouragement

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